Discovered: The Secret to Making a Windows Laptop Crash-Proof

My work machine is a T60 ThinkPad. It started this morning with a BSOD, and over the course of the rest of the day, had two system freezes requiring power cycling and then two black-screen crashes which save you the trouble by spontaneously rebooting for you.

However, I've solved the problem, and in the process, figured out how to make any Windows laptop crash-proof. It takes two simple steps:

1. Locate this button. Press and hold for 8-10 seconds:

2. THROW THE FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE OUT THE GODDAMN WINDOW.