What an Amazingly Great Idea for Teen Girl Drivers

I took this cameraphone photo in Herndon on Saturday -- a Honda Element with "I'M 17!!!!!" marked up all over in window paint:

The sides were done in similar fashion.

Young miss (and it was a girl -- I saw the driver, but was that ever a question?), I can guess that you're excited about turning 17, and I also realize that, generally speaking, fears of stranger danger are overblown, and that anyway, there are plenty of ways that people accessorize their cars that reveal all kinds of personal attributes, but screaming out "I'm a 17-year-old girl!" on your ride just seems like a bad idea.

(Incidentally, I remembered afterwards that I had a real camera in my pocket.)

Scabs and The Family Sack

Two items from today's Washington Post:

* A newspaper ad from Safeway -- "Now accepting applications for temporary employees in preparation for a possible labor dispute":

Legal workers only. That's a relief.

Note that I have no knowledge of this particular labor dispute, so I make no judgments as to the nature of greedy, soulless corporations vs. greedy, corrupt unions -- I just hadn't seen an ad for strikebreakers/temporary workers before.

Also, note that I am not considering applying at this juncture, as I am currently consulting right now. For realz.

* An ad insert for the Frito-Lay Family Sack:

I can't be the only person to think that "family sack" invokes a completely meaning. (And I'm not.) Nards.

Tags: family sack

Will We See Pretty Young Abercrombie Blonde at Shamrockfest?

(To immediately allay potential concerns: Probably not.)

Looking at the regional weather forecast, we might see some drizzle and a few sprinkles, but it should hopefully be a pretty good day, so come to Shamrockfest, where you'll be able to see Carbon Leaf, Tommy Lee, and if you're really, really lucky, me.

However, if you're me, the question is: Will pretty young Abercrombie blonde be there?

Alas, as far as I can tell, the answer is "No."

Admittedly, I'm taking it at face value -- I has checking through my referrers a few months ago, and I found a link to a Web forum (anime-focused, if I recall correctly -- it was one of those Web message boards that blurs the line between synchronous and asynchronous), where a girl, claiming to be located somewhere in New York City, said she was pretty young Abercrombie blonde.

I have no way of verifying this. But then again, why would one lie about something like that?

If you would like to become the new pretty young Abercrombie blonde (note: the Abercrombie bit is optional), please let me know.

Tags: shamrockfest, pretty young abercrombie blonde

ELIZA creator dies at 85. Why do you say ELIZA creator dies at 85?

Here I recycle one of my redlit Fark headline submissions (which was covered in a huge way when BoingBoing linked it, but whatever) -- the creator of ELIZA, Joseph Weizenbaum died last week at the age of 85.

For those not in the know, ELIZA was one of the first chatterbots -- she (or it) simulated human agency in conversations by acting as a virtual therapist. (You can see an AIM port version over at AIM ELIZA.)

As chatterbots go, ELIZA was fairly limited -- she had a pretty short set of responses, and more often than not, she would just repeat back what you said to her. But you could still have a fairly robust conversation with her, if you were stupid, distracted, or had a fairly forgiving nature.

In fact, you could say that ELIZA was the precursor to intelligent agents, as well as chat sex bots like Jenny18.

Back when I was working at AOL, I used to joke that ELIZA was more or less indistinguishable from some of our lower-functioning chat room denizens -- and arguably more useful.

While I'm on the subject -- I'm reminded by a situation we ran into with AIM Chats. Now, these days, AIM Chats are promoted group Web chats that are powered by Userplane. But, back in the day, AIM Chats were basically just buddy chat rooms, which were invoked via the URL (http://someAIMURL/chat+room+name).

Because they were promoted at a pretty high level off the AIM.com Web site, they were fairly high trafficked. I don't know if they were ever particularly useful, but they were pretty active.

Then the spam bots took over.

After a short time, you literally had rooms full of IM spam bots (usually sex spam bots) talking to each other. That meant that they were triggering a wall of sex spam IMs -- a bunch of bots talking to each other.

Then, occasionally, some hapless human would wander into the middle of this torrent of sex spam.

It was distressing, yet at the same time, hilarious.

Tags: ELIZA, Joseph Weizenbaum, chatterbot, userplane

Don't Honk at Me, Bitch -- You're the One Who Cut Me Off

I was coming back from McLean this afternoon, when a driver made me very angry.

I was on Spring Hill Road, getting ready to hop onto the Dulles Toll Road:

View Larger Map (screenshot b/c Blogger didn't like the iframe)

Now, it's covered by the Dulles Toll Road overpass, so you'll have to trust me on this, but there are two left turn lanes, which undergo a leftward lane shift as you pass under the overpass.

So, if you're in the left lane and not paying attention, you'll ignore the lane shift and continue straight, cutting off the driver next to you. If you're lucky, said driver will anticipate this, avoid the collison and simply honk his horn instead of getting all road-ragey.

However, if you decided to honk back at me (I mean, the other driver)... well, then, all bets are off and there's no telling what could happen.

I was seriously contemplating ways to initiate a frank and thorough educational discussion with the other driver, possibly leading to an ad-hoc brainstorming session, culminating in some concrete suggestions on improving the intersection that we could take to VDOT, but what ended up happening is that I stewed for a while, then went to Lake Anne, where I browsed for a bit at the Reston Used Book Shop (cut short because looking up at the higher shelves was hurting my neck), then went to Cafe Montmartre for a few drinks and to use the open wifi hotspot.

Incidentally, it's an optimal day for outdoor laptop use: No wind, no bugs, temperate, and cloudy enough so that the sun is behind a big diffuser, with minimal screen glare.

Tags: Dulles Toll Road, cafe montmartre

Blogging My Way to Shamrockfest

I'd slept on getting tickets to this year's Shamrockfest, which is this Saturday. I had a line on some passes, though that fell through (procrastination on my part). So I was preparing to buy them online, either by going to the site and eating the Ticketbastard fees, or by trolling through DC Craigslist (neither of which I was looking forward to).

Then I got an e-mail. It was from the local PR agency that's doing publicity for the 'fest, offering media credentials to various DC bloggers and media types to cover the event.

At first, I was annoyed --when you do PR outreach e-mails, you're not supposed to blast out uncustomized boilerplate (especially if you're trying to reach bloggers, who are a notoriously touchy bunch), and you're especially not supposed to forget to use BCC (though it was somewhat gratifying to see my name on a list that included the City Desk, DCist, MetBlogs, and a bunch of individual blogs with a far greater readership than my own).

Presumably, someone had done a Technorati or other blog search and saw my Shamrockfest blog entry from last year (though I note that I know of several other DC bloggers who also blogged it last year but didn't make the cut, at least in this e-mail).

Anyway, I admit it -- I'm a cheap date. It's not a SXSW junket or anything, but I was going to go and most likely do a recap entry, anyway, so what the heck. You got me -- call this a full disclosure. Media creds, here I come.

Now, I'm probably not going to try to finagle backstage access to interview talent -- it's not my beat (kids today with their crazy music). I haven't yet seen anyone blogging about going on a media pass (or maybe I'm the only person gauche enough to mention it), but if you're a blogger interested in getting media creds of your own, you'll probably want to check out this entry: Shamrockfest -- Calling All Bloggers.

Maybe there is something to this blogging thing, after all.

Unfortunately, the weather for Saturday is looking a little dodgy -- cold, dreary, and at the very least, moist.

What's more, most of the authentic Irish-from-Ireland crowd are probably going to be occupied with the rugby triple-header (including the England vs. Ireland match -- always a crowd-pleaser).

But then, what do the real Irish know about St. Patrick's Day in America, anyway?

Tags: shamrockfest

Arrington and Swisher Scooped Me on SearchMe

About a week and a half ago, I noticed my site (such as it is) was getting a bunch of hits from a crawler from something called "searchme.com."

Of course, I did a little looking around -- there wasn't much on the site at the time, and the only Web results that came up (like the Techcrunch article) referenced wiki search.

I was going to mention it, but I never got around to it.

Then, this morning, Boomtown, Techcrunch, and others of that ilk posted about it -- it's "visual search", which looks to be a Cover Flow interface over search results.

With the caveat of not having actually used it, I will say that visual search is like Snap Shots, or animated DVD menus: Seems like a cool idea, is neat for a minute or two, then gets annoying once you realize that it's not at all useful and actually gets in the way.

As to the purported "scooping" -- since I had no preview access, it's not like I had anything to report (unlike Boomtown and Techcrunch), and since I didn't attempt to do any actual investigating, it's not like I was trying to do any journalism (unlike Boomtown), but I still feel like I missed out on something.

Tags: boomtown, techcrunch, searchme, search

A Self-Contained Watch Band Watch Stand

I wear a Skagen 105LTX watch. It's thin, titanium, and Danish, and I bought it on eBay a few years ago.

It also has a metal link band with one of those flip buckle things, so it's not the most comfortable thing to wear while typing. I usually take it off and put it on the desk.

Purely by accident (I'm guessing I was bored during a meeting and fiddling with my watch), I discovered that I could arrange the watch band and buckle to make a self-contained, self-standing watch stand, that also served as an impromptu desk clock:

If you're ever sitting across the table from me during a meeting, there's a good chance you'll see this.

As a bonus, it makes checking the time a little more discreet than glancing down at your watch (especially if you put it next to your notepad).

Side view.

Now, I haven't determined whether this is a universal application, or if it's unique to my watch band, which is sized for my slender (in a very manly, steel-rod kind of way) wrists.

Rear view, for good measure.

A silly little thing, but I find it useful.

Tags: skagen, watches, 105ltx, watch stand

Halftime Notes From the Duke - UNC Hype Machine

It's halftime of the Duke - UNC game. Carolina is up by 12 right now, in a first half marked by a lot of dumb turnovers. Blame it on Senior Night nerves, and because ESPN has been hyping this game up like it's the end of the world.

I'd entertained the notion of going to Jimmy's or something to watch the game, but I've just been flat today. In fact, I sat on the couch and woke up about 3 hours later. (Missed an ebay auction I wanted to bid on, too). So now I'm drinking a few Blue Moons and just hanging out at home.

Anyway, Duke is down by 12. When I was in school, I didn't think we relied on the three-point shot nearly as much as we do now -- I'm troubled by the number of one-and-done quick threes we take, especially since we've never really been a strong rebounding team.

I also see that the Speedo Guy has returned. I have a VHS tape of one of the Duke - UNC game from 04 or 05, which I think was his introduction to the national viewing audience. He sits in the grad student section behind one of the baskets and tries to distract the opposing foul shooter. This new incarnation wasn't nearly as effective, probably because he wasn't nearly as... hairy.

Also, the ESPN commentators apologized for replaying Speedo Guy, because unlike the previous Speedo Guy who relied on funky dance moves, this version used some D-Generation-X-style crotch chops.

As to the whole pre-game hype -- when was the last time you saw them playing the National Anthem for a regular season college game? And then that whole thing about the support for Eve Carson, the UNC student body president who was found murdered a few days ago.

Look, I'm glad the Duke fans wore ribbons and did a moment of silence in honor of her, instead of trying to do some tasteless cheers about it. But come on -- how many Durham residents (not so much the Chapel Hill) will get murdered near the campus and just get another item in the crime briefs of the newspaper -- without the full-court media press and the candlelight vigils and the Facebook memorials?

Yeah, she was a pretty blonde co-ed and it's a shame she died a violent death, but come on.

OK, game on.

Tags: duke, eve carson, speedo guy, duke - unc

Killing a Mouse... Changes a Man

I had a glue trap tucked away in a corner, near my washing machine (which is in the kitchen, but let's not dwell on that).

This afternoon, I was in the living room, in the middle of a conference call, when I heard some rustling noises coming from the kitchen.

For a few brief seconds, I entertained the thought that it might be, say, dishes in the sink shifting, or maybe the garbage settling. But the rustling kept happening. So I went over to take a look.

Yeah, it was a mouse stuck in the glue trap.

Since I was still on the call, there wasn't much I could do. Luckily (if you could call it that), the mouse was stuck fast, so it wasn't going to get away.

Now, look -- I know I could get a humane, live catch mousetrap. But when it comes to mice, catch-and-release just seems kind of pointless. Besides, if you subscribe to castle doctrine (as I do), I reserve the right to use deadly force to protect my home from invaders.

So, after I finished the call, I prepared to deal with the mouse. I wouldn't say that I'm particularly squeamish when it comes to rodents -- let's just say that I'm cautious when it comes to dealing with potential biohazards. (Hantavirus, anyone?)

I ended up double-bagging the trap in some grocery bags, placed a handy 1x5 scrap board on the locus of the rustling lump, and stepped firmly. (Okay, stomped.)

The rustling stopped.

I can't say I enjoyed it.

Also, while I considered taking photos, I decided against it. You sick, twisted bastards.

Anyway, I seem to have avoided PTSD, but I do have to admit it's one of the reasons I stayed in tonight.

Tags: mice, glue traps

Your Hair-Covered, Meat-Powered Mansuit

I found this soap marked "Discontinued -- 50% off" at the supermarket today. It's Dial for Men, which is evidently a very manly soap -- so much so that it states: "Your hair-covered, meat-powered mansuit will be clean, smooth, and fresh all day."

Manly micro-scrubbers consist of ground glass and broken dreams.

Naturally, I had to buy it.

I vaguely recall they used the same stupid line in a TV ad campaign. People: It's soap -- rendered animal fat, lye, and perfume.

If they want to do a truly manly soap, they should probably just sell sodium hydroxide for application directly to the skin.

Tags: dial for men, mansuit

There Is Shit in the Meat

I just finished reading Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser's 2001 look at the societal impact of fast food.

It begins pretty gently, talking about the early chains, the origins of Carl's and McDonalds. It starts to rake a little muck when it talks about the exploitation of teen workers, the de-skillification of fast food jobs (even as fast food companies take millions of dollars in subsidies for worker training, and the problem of theft and robbery at fast food restaurants (usually involving current or former employees).

The bits about french fries, and the science of artificial and natural flavors are really interesting.

Then it gets to the meat of the thing -- agribusiness and the meatpacking industry. It's blood-boiling -- it should be required reading for everyone, especially:

* Libertarians and Grover "drown government in the bathtub" Norquist-types to see just what happens when you neuter the FDA, OSHA, and the USDA and rely on industry self-policing (hint: E. coli 0157:H7 and bloody stools feature prominently). It's where the "shit in the meat" bit comes from -- fecal contamination, combined with sending all the meat through a few big processing plants, equals bacterial fun for everybody. Industry solution? Irradiation. So nuclear shit in your meat.

* Anti-immigration types, to see just how the meatpacking industry relies on and recruits illegal immigrants to staff their ultra-high-speed, ultra-high-turnover industries (hint: if you don't give full benefits until 6 months or a year into a job, high-turnover keeps employer costs down). Let's see if the neo-Know Nothings will put their money where their mouths when it comes to their food buying dollar.

* Terrorism Chicken Littles who fixate on bioterror threats to the food supply, yet turn a blind eye to agribusiness's steadfast opposition to real food safety and robust scientific testing measures.

Since the book came out in 2001, you can see how things have changed since then (Schlosser's warnings about obesity seem almost quaint now), and then, looking at the largest beef recall in the nation's history, seeing how they haven't changed.

Maybe I'm prone to being unduly alarmed by food threats -- I took a meat vacation for a few years after reading Deadly Feasts (about mad cow disease) -- or maybe because it's because I just really like hamburgers, but just looking at how corrupting the meatpacking industry in its race to the bottom on costs shows the dangers of unfettered capitalism.

Perhaps we need a new grass-roots advocacy group -- something to take food safety back from the vegetarians and animal activists: Hamburger Lovers for Food Safety. (Kind of how Ducks Unlimited is a wetlands conservation group for the purpose of having abundant ducks to shoot.)

Tags: fast food nation

The Easier an Exercise in Online Activism, the More Worthless It Is

In advance of tomorrow's eDemocracy camp, and because I've been drinking tonight, here's my stating-the-obvious observation about online activism:

The ease of participating in a social or political activity online is inversely proportional to its effectiveness.

In other words, the easier an exercise in online activism, the more worthless it is. High ease = low effectiveness (thanks to Jamy for the correction).

Obviously, this is just a restatement of any number of old adages that say you get out of something what you put into it. But I still see far too many people online who delude themselves into thinking that they've done something worthwhile just because they clicked "OK" somewhere.

Examples:

• Signing an online petition or pledge: Ease: Ultralow. Usefulness: Ultraworthless
• Sending e-mail to an elected official: Ease: Low. Usefulness: Low (worthless if you're not actually a constituent.)
• Joining a Facebook group: Ease: Low. Usefulness: Low (unless it's in support of a tangible result, like a rally, or would potentially get you killed by the Mafia or guerrillas, or would otherwise require, you know, actual time or effort).
• Participating in political forums: Ease: Low. Usefulness: Almost universally worthless -- because of the polarized, self-selecting, self-segregating nature of most online political communities, at best, you're preaching to the converted; at worst, you're engaging in yet another worthless online flamewar, convincing no one and simply reinforcing each other's stereotyped views.
• Political or advocacy blogging: Ease: Varies. Usefulness: Depends -- Are you creating anything original or simply rehashing other people's punditry?
  
• Using online activities to organize and mobilize offline activities: Ease: Varies. Usefulness: Well now, this is where things get interesting.
  

For far too many people, online political and social activism is like prayer: A way to feel like you're helping, without actually doing anything.

The trick, of course, is trying to figure out how to leverage all this online stuff into things that actually matter.

Tags: edemocracy camp

The Triumphant Return of the Turnip Twaddler

Here's a sneak preview of tomorrow's Opus, which features the triumphant return of the Turnip Twaddler:

When last we saw the turnip twaddler, it was just a bonus gift with the purchase of a Tomato Musher, so it seems to have moved up in stature, as the recommended use for the upcoming economic stimulation.

In a bit of synchronicity, the Turnip Twaddler also gets a mention in a recent Democrat[ic] Underground thread in a discussion about consumers and the state of the economy.

The Turnip Twaddler -- get yours today! Operators in an offshore call center are standing by to take your order.

Tags: opus, turnip twaddler, bloom county

Waking Up to the Sound of George Clooney Screaming

Yakov Smirnoff was in the middle of calling the play-by-play for a Slamball match when I woke up this morning.

The night before, I awoke to the sound of George Clooney screaming; I'd fallen asleep on the couch, shortly after putting Syriana on -- evidently there's a torture scene. I don't remember a bit of it.

Just prior to that, I'd finally made it all the way through Glengarry Glen Ross. I'd started it ages ago, but I never could get through it -- I kept falling asleep, probably because of all the rain scenes. Though all the endless variations of "Fuck you!" "No, fuck you!" Mamet dialog also gets pretty tedious.

Tags: david mamet, glengarry glen ross