Leaving aside just how much you actually don't know about the admittedly elaborate and convoluted rules of urinal and men's room etiquette, here are some other things you don't know:
* Swisher-brand urinal mats (plastic screens that sit over the drain hole so you don't flush yourself down the pipes) have "SAY NO TO DRUGS" printed on them. Don't believe me?:
* Under the right (read: horrible) conditions, you can smell the urine of the guy next to you. If you're really lucky, you can smell what he's been ingesting (example substances include: coffee, beer [especially the day after], penicillin, and for some, asparagus)
* Shaking: (because, you know, guys don't use toilet paper after they piss) There exists a truism: "If you shake it more than once/twice/three times [varies according to teller], you're playing with it."
* Conversation: There are several schools of thought, though the most popular is simply "No talking." (At least, when all parties are sober.) A dissenting view allows conversations between parties at the same point in the process -- that is:
- Both guys standing in line = Conversation Permitted
- Both guys in the process of urination = Conversation Permitted
- One man urinating, one man standing in line = Conversation Not Permitted
- One man urinating, one man standing at urinal = Conversation Not Permitted (how distracting would that be?)
* Splashback: It happens.
* Bonus Fact: It's possible to drown in a urinal. (Actually, I didn't know this myself until I saw the Wikipedia entry.)
When it comes to overall quirks, though, women are much more nutso than men. I mean, come on: It's not even close.
(As to the impetus for this entry, I blame two factors -- Conor, for telling me about the stupid Miller Lite Man Laws ad campaign, and Washington Post columnist Gene Weingarten's chats)